by Fred Burks
"What I’ve found is that in life in general, and particularly in sexuality, it’s all about honoring my natural desires
while at the same time committing to stay conscious and fully consensual
with everything I do."
Dear friends,
Happy
Valentine's Day! On this special day for honoring our beloveds, here's a
thought-provoking essay on sexual desire and how it can be used to
transform relationships for the better.
The Transformational Power of Sexual Desire
Sexual
desire can be a most awesome and powerful force. When the sex hormones
run hot in our veins, we feel incredibly excited and thrilled to be
alive. Life once again becomes a great adventure. Yet when these
hormones rage, the rational mind has this very strange tendency to shut
down. Our thinking is hijacked by primal instincts which can cause us to do things that we never in our rational mind would do.
This
unfortunately has led to profound wounding on both personal and global
levels. Sex abuse, which is much more common than many would like to
admit, is a sad, but all-to-common manifestation of sexual desire gone
berserk. Harnessing the intense sexual drive can be quite challenging,
yet the rewards of doing so can be incredible depth and intimacy with
our partners, and yes, better sex, too.
A
gorgeous woman I met a few years back came from a childhood of intense
sexual and emotional abuse. I’ll use the name Rachelle for her. Rachelle
had a pattern of jumping into sex quickly, only to then soon regret and
feel shame about it. The first time she and I really connected,
Rachelle had recently decided for the first time to be celibate for
several months to break her pattern and learn to really love herself.
Shortly
after we met, both Rachelle and I acknowledged an intense sexual
attraction between us, yet I told her I wanted to support and honor her
in this beautiful intention to love herself by holding off on being
sexual. She was clear she would not be able to hold back, so I told her I
would take responsibility for holding our boundaries.
When
I eventually did hold the boundary of not being sexual for several
months – even when at times she badly wanted to go there – Rachelle was
moved to tears. She told me she had never been treated with
such love and respect. And when months later we finally did surrender to
the amazing bliss of full-on sex, it was incredibly ecstatic for both
of us. She even found out for the first time that she was
multi-orgasmic! Though we were only together a couple years, Rachelle
emailed after we parted to thank me for this “most amazing, deep,
healing relationship.”
Sexual Desire is Natural and Beautiful
The
drive towards sexual connection between two people who are strongly
attracted to each other is a natural and beautiful part of our biology
and of being human. The urge to merge is what keeps the human race
going. It is where we all came from when our parents surrendered to it.
Sexual desire is a divine gift which inspires us to seek out deep
connection.
Yet
the carnal power behind this intense drive all too often causes some to
go unconscious and to do things they later regret, like when Rachelle
jumped into bed too quickly with many men, only to later feel shame
about it. And for some men, once sexual desire kicks in fully, trying to
stop or control it can feel like not scratching an intense itch or
trying to stop a sneeze about to happen. They feel powerless to control
it.
For
both sexes, this powerful drive can shut down the conscious, thinking
mind and the sensitive, loving heart. It can and sadly has led to acts
as intense as rape and even murder around the world. Herein lies the
root of much psychological and emotional wounding on both individual and
collective levels. Yet it doesn’t have to be this way.
By holding a strong intention to be ever more conscious and by studying practices like which give ideas on this, my life and relationships have changed in awesome ways.
I’m
most fortunate to have learned to keep my heart open and stay conscious
and considerate even when powerful sexual urges arise. I’m thrilled to
have learned to dance with and channel this powerful energy in ways that
are honoring and supportive not just to me and the person with whom I’m
feeling attraction, but to all in my life.
The ability to stay conscious even in the midst of intense sexual connection has left me feeling more free and alive than ever. I
trust myself now that I won’t do something I will later regret. I trust
myself to honor both my partner and myself even when the hormones are
raging in my veins.
After
years now on this path, I have no doubt that by surfing the rich waves
of desire while also keeping my mind and heart present, I can experience
the full richness of the powerful sexual connection. This conscious
practice has brought a deep peace, joy, and excitement about life that I
doubt I could have experienced otherwise without spending years in an
ashram or meditating in a cave.
My
transformation of this primal drive has made a huge difference even in
how I approach women. When I find myself attracted to a woman now, I
enjoy letting her know that I feel attracted to her. If she seems open
to it, I’ll even show fiery passion in my eyes as I express this.
Yet
even as I show my attraction, I don’t at all push it on her. I simply
express the attraction and wait for a response. I make clear that though
I am attracted, I have no need to do anything about it. She then feels
that I’m not pressuring her or trying to get in her pants. How cool that
most women immediately relax and open when I’m so clear and honest with
them.
Staying
conscious doesn’t mean denying the powerful urges which arise during
sexual contact. I love consciously surrendering to the incredibly rich
sensations and primal desires when they arise. When we are both feeling
that delicious animal intensity and desire, the sex can be absolutely
awesome!!! Yet I only go there when the contact is fully consensual and
welcomed by my partner.
When
two people are both in full and clear consent, inviting these deep
animal urges and passions to come out in all their primal beauty and
power can not only be incredibly rich and ecstatic, it can even heal old
wounds around sexuality, as happened in my rich connection with
Rachelle.
Once
a man is sexually aroused, the powerful drive towards ejaculation for
many is overwhelming. Some men feel frustrated and even angry if they
are not able to release the sexual tension they feel so strongly inside
of them.
Yet
having learned to welcome and play with this dynamic tension without
the need to act on it, I can tell you that it can be incredibly
rewarding and even ecstatic once you learn to let that tension just be
when it is there. Ride that wave like you would a bucking bronco. As I’ve gotten ever more comfortable playing with this dynamic tension, I actually feel more excited and alive.
I
so love being able to play with the exquisite sexual energies and even
use them for higher purposes without a need to go anywhere with them. I
often do this while fully clothed. Now that’s safe sex! And the women
seem to love this, too. I have had several women break down in tears of
gratitude in my arms when I was sexually attracted to them, yet did not
try to get into their pants.
Taming the Bad Boy and Bad Girl
Almost
every one of us has a part within that is the bad boy or bad girl, that
takes pleasure in breaking the rules and doing what we’re not supposed
to do. Most of us were to some extent in our childhood controlled in
ways that felt very oppressive. I know I was. Even though I am very
clear now my parents were doing their best, I hated the way they sent me
to my room and wouldn’t let me go on wild adventures. As a result,
breaking the rules and doing what we’re not supposed to do can at times
feel quite exhilarating.
Yet
for different people, this desire to be bad can show up in very
different ways. Some go so far as to become criminals. For others this
desire is easily controlled. The key question is how conscious can we
remain when that bad boy or girl part of us comes out. If it’s a
situation where all involved are in agreement and no one will get hurt
physically or emotionally, it can be fun sometimes to let the bad boy
out and break the rules or do what we’re not supposed to, like joining
the “mile high club” by making love in an airplane bathroom. Yet if
there is any risk of harm, I will not go there.
When
this bad boy or girl shows up in sexual connecting and it is dealt with
in a conscious way that is consensually agreed upon, it can bring a
whole lot of fun, pleasure, and ecstasy. Role playing naughty scenes can
be a lot of fun! Yet when it expresses in an unconscious way, it can
and has led to intense sexual wounding and even deep regrets from those
involved. Sadly, this still happens every day all over the world.
Yet thanks to people like you and me who are choosing to do what it takes, times are changing. Sexual abuse is
increasingly being exposed all
over. At the same time, diverse sexual preferences are becoming more
accepted and even welcomed. As a species, we are gradually becoming more
loving and tolerant of each other. And we are slowly but surely coming
to more embrace conscious sexuality as a positive force in our world.
What
I’ve found is that in life in general, and particularly in sexuality,
it’s all about honoring my natural desires and urges while at the same
time committing to stay conscious and fully consensual with everything I
do.
Rather
than dampening the excitement, I’ve been thrilled to find that the more
conscious I am, the greater the possibility of rich passion and deeper
connection. Can I hear a big YES! for staying as conscious and
consensual as possible in our sexual connections? This is how we
transform our world and bring more joy and passion into our lives.
Note: For more on transforming your sexuality, see
this online lesson on sacred sexuality. For other articles on bringing sexuality out of the closet, see Fred's website
Let's Talk Sex. And to visit a
richly inspiring website showing how we are all interconnected through a beautiful web of love.
Take action:
- Start by being as honest with yourself as you can about your
attractions and sexual desires. Pay attention to when you start to go
unconscious and make a choice not to go there. Don’t deny what you are
feeling or thinking, yet also don’t act on it unless you are making a
clear, conscious choice.
- As you learn to accept and control your sexual desire, explore
sharing about it with others. Let’s take sex out of the closet and talk
about what works and what doesn’t.
- Consider taking a course in tantra to learn more about
controlling and channeling sexual desire in ways that honor all
involved. The Human Awareness Institute
(HAI) offers great workshops in a variety of locations which invite
participants to explore intimacy and sexuality in conscious ways.
- Share this inspiring essay on sexual desire with your friends
and bookmark it on key social networking websites using the "Share" icon
on this page.
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Weekly Horoscope Tarot Reading | 3rd - 9th February 2020 - Weekly Tarot Forecast
Weekly tarot horoscope forecast from the 3rd - 9th February 2020, for all twelve horoscope signs, by psychic medium Sasha Bonasin. Weekly career, weekly finances, health, love, relationships, spirituality, spiritual guidance and advice.
This week we need to pay attention to our talents, capabilities and resources available to us which will be essential for us to succeed, it will be VERY IMPORTANT to tap into our full potential rather than holding back, in particular when there are things to transform. This will it will be all about unity, the beginning, the will and the mastering. New initiative will most certainly take place but this one will be very different indeed, because it will come from a whole different place/dimension/energy. It will guide us at the same time with a perfect balance of energy when it comes to our confidence, intellect and intuition.
Tarot Card Of The Week: ACE OF SWORDS: NEW IDEA, success, CLARITY, breakthrough, new project, NEW PLAN, concentration, VICTORY, communication, REALISING THE TRUTH, intensity, JUSTICE, decision, authority, INSPIRATION.
Thank you all for watching my weekly tarot readings and for being here! Sending you all brightest blessings, lots of LOVE, healing & light! 🙏💜🌿
This tarot forecast is for all twelve horoscope signs: Scorpio, Libra, Pisces, Virgo, Aquarius, Gemini, Aries, Capricorn, Leo, Taurus, Sagittarius & Cancer.
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