Susan* bought her 6-year-old son John an iPad when he was in
first grade. “I thought, ‘Why not let him get a jump on things?’ ” she
told me during a therapy session. John’s school had begun using the
devices with younger and younger grades — and his technology teacher had
raved about their educational benefits — so Susan wanted to do what was
best for her sandy-haired boy who loved reading and playing baseball.
She started letting John play different educational games on his
iPad. Eventually, he discovered Minecraft, which the technology teacher
assured her was “just like electronic Lego.” Remembering how much fun
she had as a child building and playing with the interlocking plastic
blocks, Susan let her son Minecraft his afternoons away.
Modal TriggerPhoto: AFP/Getty Images
At first, Susan was quite pleased. John seemed engaged in creative
play as he explored the cube-world of the game. She did notice that the
game wasn’t quite like the Legos that she remembered — after all, she
didn’t have to kill animals and find rare minerals to survive and get to
the next level with her beloved old game. But John did seem to really
like playing and the school even had a Minecraft club, so how bad could
it be?
Still, Susan couldn’t deny she was seeing changes in John. He started
getting more and more focused on his game and losing interest in
baseball and reading while refusing to do his chores. Some mornings he
would wake up and tell her that he could see the cube shapes in his
dreams.
Although that concerned her, she thought her son might just be
exhibiting an active imagination. As his behavior continued to
deteriorate, she tried to take the game away but John threw temper
tantrums. His outbursts were so severe that she gave in, still
rationalizing to herself over and over again that “it’s educational.”
Then, one night, she realized that something was seriously wrong.
“I walked into his room to check on him. He was supposed to be sleeping — and I was just so frightened…”
We now know that those iPads, smartphones and Xboxes are a form of digital drug.
She found him sitting up in his bed staring wide-eyed, his bloodshot
eyes looking into the distance as his glowing iPad lay next to him. He
seemed to be in a trance. Beside herself with panic, Susan had to shake
the boy repeatedly to snap him out of it. Distraught, she could not
understand how her once-healthy and happy little boy had become so
addicted to the game that he wound up in a catatonic stupor.
There’s a reason that the most tech-cautious parents are tech
designers and engineers. Steve Jobs was a notoriously low-tech parent.
Silicon Valley tech executives and engineers enroll their kids in
no-tech Waldorf Schools. Google founders Sergey Brin and Larry Page went
to no-tech Montessori Schools, as did Amazon creator Jeff Bezos and
Wikipedia founder Jimmy Wales.
Many parents intuitively understand that ubiquitous glowing screens
are having a negative effect on kids. We see the aggressive temper
tantrums when the devices are taken away and the wandering attention
spans when children are not perpetually stimulated by their
hyper-arousing devices. Worse, we see children who become bored,
apathetic, uninteresting and uninterested when not plugged in.
But it’s even worse than we think.
We now know that those iPads, smartphones and Xboxes are a form of
digital drug. Recent brain imaging research is showing that they affect
the brain’s frontal cortex — which controls executive functioning,
including impulse control — in exactly the same way that cocaine does.
Technology is so hyper-arousing that it raises dopamine levels — the
feel-good neurotransmitter most involved in the addiction dynamic — as
much as sex.
This addictive effect is why Dr. Peter Whybrow, director of
neuroscience at UCLA, calls screens “electronic cocaine” and Chinese
researchers call them “digital heroin.” In fact, Dr. Andrew Doan, the
head of addiction research for the Pentagon and the US Navy — who has
been researching video game addiction — calls video games and screen
technologies “digital pharmakeia” (Greek for drug).
That’s right — your kid’s brain on Minecraft looks like a brain on
drugs. No wonder we have a hard time peeling kids from their screens and
find our little ones agitated when their screen time is interrupted. In
addition, hundreds of clinical studies show that screens increase
depression, anxiety and aggression and can even lead to psychotic-like
features where the video gamer loses touch with reality.
In my clinical work with over 1,000 teens over the past 15 years, I
have found the old axiom of “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of
cure” to be especially true when it comes to tech addiction. Once a kid
has crossed the line into true tech addiction, treatment can be very
difficult. Indeed, I have found it easier to treat heroin and crystal
meth addicts than lost-in-the-matrix video gamers or Facebook-dependent
social media addicts.
That’s right — your kid’s brain on Minecraft looks like a brain on drugs.
According to a 2013 Policy Statement by the American Academy of
Pediatrics, 8- to 10 year-olds spend 8 hours a day with various digital
media while teenagers spend 11 hours in front of screens. One in three
kids are using tablets or smartphones before they can talk. Meanwhile,
the handbook of “Internet Addiction” by Dr. Kimberly Young states that
18 percent of college-age internet users in the US suffer from tech
addiction.
Once a person crosses over the line into full-blown addiction — drug,
digital or otherwise — they need to detox before any other kind of
therapy can have any chance of being effective. With tech, that means a
full digital detox — no computers, no smartphones, no tablets. The
extreme digital detox even eliminates television. The prescribed amount
of time is four to six weeks; that’s the amount of time that is usually
required for a hyper-aroused nervous system to reset itself. But that’s
no easy task in our current tech-filled society where screens are
ubiquitous. A person can live without drugs or alcohol; with tech
addiction, digital temptations are everywhere.
So how do we keep our children from crossing this line? It’s not easy.
The key is to prevent your 4-, 5- or 8-year-old from getting hooked
on screens to begin with. That means Lego instead of Minecraft; books
instead of iPads; nature and sports instead of TV. If you have to,
demand that your child’s school not give them a tablet or Chromebook
until they are at least 10 years old (others recommend 12).
Have honest discussions with your child about why you are limiting
their screen access. Eat dinner with your children without any
electronic devices at the table — just as Steve Jobs used to have
tech-free dinners with his kids. Don’t fall victim to “Distracted Parent
Syndrome” — as we know from Social Learning Theory, “Monkey see, monkey
do.”
When I speak to my 9-year-old twin boys, I have honest conversations
with them about why we don’t want them having tablets or playing video
games. I explain to them that some kids like playing with their devices
so much, they have a hard time stopping or controlling how much they
play. I’ve helped them to understand that if they get caught up with
screens and Minecraft like some of their friends have, other parts of
their lives may suffer: They may not want to play baseball as much; not
read books as often; be less interested in science and nature projects;
become more disconnected from their real-world friends. Amazingly, they
don’t need much convincing as they’ve seen first-hand the changes that
some of their little friends have undergone as a result of their
excessive screen time.
Developmental psychologists understand that children’s healthy
development involves social interaction, creative imaginative play and
an engagement with the real, natural world. Unfortunately, the immersive
and addictive world of screens dampens and stunts those developmental
processes.
We also know that kids are more prone to addictive escape if they
feel alone, alienated, purposeless and bored. Thus the solution is often
to help kids to connect to meaningful real-life experiences and
flesh-and-blood relationships. The engaged child tethered to creative
activities and connected to his or her family is less likely to escape
into the digital fantasy world. Yet even if a child has the best and
most loving support, he or she could fall into the Matrix once they
engage with hypnotic screens and experience their addicting effect.
After all, about one in 10 people are predisposed towards addictive
tendencies.
In the end, my client Susan removed John’s tablet, but recovery was an uphill battle with many bumps and setbacks along the way.
Four years later, after much support and reinforcement, John is doing
much better today. He has learned to use a desktop computer in a
healthier way, and has gotten some sense of balance back in his life:
He’s playing on a baseball team and has several close friends in his
middle school. But his mother is still vigilant and remains a positive
and proactive force with his tech usage because, as with any addiction,
relapse can sneak up in moments of weakness. Making sure that he has
healthy outlets, no computer in his bedroom and a nightly tech-free
dinner at the dinner table are all part of the solution.
If You Put Your Head in a Lion’s Mouth September 15, 2014 By Jennifer Hoffman
Introduction: "Solar flares and geomagnetic storms created an exciting, energy filled week through the weekend. Although we're still reeling a little from the energy downloads and corresponding shifts -- and these solar flares packed a punch -- we are not quite in the space to take action yet. Massive amounts of energy pouring into the earth grids can have peculiar and unexpected results, as it shifts the electromagnetic balance, polarity, creates new frequency gaps and closes others.
Remember that everyone feels and responds to these differently, so don't be surprised at others' reactions as they are probably feeling a little off balance right now too. And we're all mirroring each other's changes so everyone in your life is feeling the changes you are making, as well as their own. It can be a little rough.
But, there is a real blessing in all of this (there always is although sometimes it's hard to find) and it has to do with how we avoid drama, trauma, pain, and trouble. It has to do with putting your head in a lion's mouth, which I will explain as I share this week's newsletter message:
If you put your head in a lion’s mouth, will it bite you? That depends on whether the lion is tame or not, has already eaten and isn’t hungry, or is a circus lion trained to let people do that. Even with a trained lion, I’m sure that the person who sticks their head in its mouth must have a moment of fear. This isn’t a silly question because we do this all of the time, when we get involved with our karmic partners, set ourselves up for our shared lessons and then challenge them to not bite off our heads.
Usually we get away with our heads still attached but may suffer from other traumas, including the disappointment we feel when someone repeats past behavior, even though we give them every opportunity not to. Think of how many ways we let others know that we love and value them and mean them no harm, and they respond by biting off our heads. Who is wrong here, us for trusting someone in ways they cannot be trusted, or them for not acknowledging our efforts and responding accordingly?
I will make what may be an unpopular comment here — when we don’t honor others’ truth we are being disrespectful and manipulative, no matter what that truth is. When we don’t believe that someone chooses to be cruel, deceptive, and dishonest and try to change their behavior, we are not honoring who they are. We don’t try to make nice people mean, so why do we try to make mean people nice? Both of them are speaking and acting through their truth and we need to respect that truth.
I’m not condoning the behavior of people who are cruel, deceptive, and dishonest, just saying that dealing with them in any way other than one that knows we’re putting our head in the mouth of a lion who is known to bite is setting ourselves up for a big disappointment and potentially a considerable amount of pain. What are our options:
Avoid the lion — it isn’t necessary to get involved with people you know will hurt you and you probably aren’t going to make them change, no matter how honorable your intentions are. You may even annoy them enough to create a situation that results in more pain for you. If you have already been bitten once, it’s best to avoid the lion.
Wait until the lion invites you to stick your head in its mouth — When we try to change people before they acknowledge that they are considering or want to change, we are dishonoring them, no matter how kind and well meaning our efforts are. Unless someone truly wants to change, any effort to change them will be met with understandable resistance and rejection. If and when they are ready, they will find you and that’s when they see you doing something they want to do, or having something they want to learn how to create in their life.
See the Divine, Deal with the Human: This is one of my favorite messages, which you can read here. While we can acknowledge the divine in everyone (and it is there), we have to connect to them through how they are choosing to express their divinity. No matter how much we think some people could be, act, or do things differently, and no matter how much divine energy they possess, it is the way they are expressing this energy through their human side that is the true barometer of their being. When we acknowledge that to decide whether it’s safe to approach and connect with them, much less put our heads in their mouth, we are honoring their humanity, and accepting how they are choosing to use their energy. We honor others by seeing them as they choose to be, not how we want them to be or think they are capable of becoming.
It isn’t our job to change or to heal others. It is our job to change ourselves and to become a source of inspiration and healed, whole living for others to choose for themselves. People will be more inspired by sources of joy, love, abundance, and success than by being told what they are capable of if they tried harder, or if they changed in some way. None of us knows what someone’s Source Contract is for a lifetime, so we cannot judge what they are doing or being because what we think is the least spiritual behavior we have ever seen may be their greatest leap in understanding and transformation.
One of our greatest lessons is non-judgment and compassionate acceptance, which requires us to refrain from judging others and to decide whether we will connect with someone, based on our energy, than to decide that they are doing something wrong because their behavior doesn’t meet our expectations of what we think their behavior could be.
Avoiding the lion is always an option and if that isn’t possible, make sure that it doesn’t have a reputation for biting before you stick your head in its mouth.
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If you like this article and would like to work with me because you are ready for profound personal and spiritual transformation, consider a personal intuitive consultation or intuitive coaching, where we work together to examine your life path, purpose, potential, and possibilities and help you choose one that will bring you the joy, abundance, love, peace and power that you are ready for. Click here to explore the possibilities for transformation.
Copyright (c) 2014 by Jennifer Hoffman. All rights reserved. You may quote, copy, translate and link to this article, in its entirety, on free, non-donation based websites only, as long as you include the author name and a working link back to this website. All other uses are strictly prohibited.
