Yes, There Is A Way To Work Through Family Conflict Mindfully. Here's How

Leigh Weingus mbg Yoga & Fitness Editor

Photo: Maa Hoo

November 21, 2017 — 10:40 AM

While Thanksgiving grants us an opportunity to give thanks and reunite with loved ones, it also puts us in tight quarters with family members who may may know how to push our buttons. Conflict in families is natural, but to make your holiday a happy one, here are a few practices that can help you move through tension mindfully.

Us
e the right phrases and avoid generalizations.

While it might be tempting to raise your voice if you feel like no one is hearing you, do your best to keep your tone even and use phrases that diffuse conflict. "Try using phrases such as 'I hear what you're saying' or 'I understand that you're upset' so your family member feels acknowledged," suggests psychologist Nathalie C. Theodore. Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., suggests avoiding generalizations and "you" statements. "'You' statements like 'you never help out' or 'you always sit on the couch' come off as accusations," she says.

Breathe.

It seems so simple, but practicing a little breathwork can make a world of difference. "Just breathe and let it go," says Theodore. "When you're home for the holidays and everyone's at each other's throats, sometimes the best thing you can do is take a deep breath and agree to disagree."

Focus on being happy and present.

Do you want to be right and perfect or present and happy? Lombardo suggests you aim for the latter. "Your uncle is not going to suddenly change his behavior, and your mother-in-law is not going to suddenly gush over what a great mom you are. Don’t expect them to be perfect. Your mantra can be, 'I accept people for who they are' or 'I get to choose my reaction to my family. And I choose happiness.'"


And on the note of happiness, Lombardo suggests not focusing on convincing your family of how wrong they are. "Focus on being happy, not right," she says. "By this I mean don’t try to convince your family that they are wrong now. Now is not the time to make sure others admit to being wrong. Instead, concentrate on topics and activities that you can engage in together that will bring more joy to you and those around you."

Make self-care a priority.

Last but not least, Theodore suggests you remember to be a little selfish when working through family conflict. "Always remember to make self-care a priority. If too much family togetherness has you feeling stressed, steal some moments away for the sake of your sanity," suggests Theodore. "Go for a walk, check out a yoga class, or call a friend if you need to blow off some steam."


Going through a hard time? Read about how the worst year of one woman's life led to the career of her dreams.

#anxiety #forgiveness #friendship #gratitude #holiday

Leigh Weingus mbg Yoga & Fitness Editor

Leigh is the senior yoga & fitness editor at mindbodygreen. She's also a green-smoothie-obsessed yogi and runner who also enjoys the occasional barre and boot-camp class. She loves to write, she'll read any book you hand to her, and she's willing to spend hours hunting down a ripe avocado. As of recently, she meditates every single morning for 10 minutes. She's pretty proud of herself.

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AfrikaansAlbanianArabicArmenianAzerbaijaniBasqueBelarusianBengaliBosnianBulgarianCatalanCebuanoChichewaChinese (Simplified)Chinese (Traditional)CroatianCzechDanishDutchEnglishEsperantoEstonianFilipinoFinnishFrenchGalicianGeorgianGermanGreekGujaratiHaitian CreoleHausaHebrewHindiHmongHungarianIcelandicIgboIndonesianIrishItalianJapaneseJavaneseKannadaKazakhKhmerKoreanLaoLatinLatvianLithuanianMacedonianMalagasyMalayMalayalamMalteseMaoriMarathiMongolianMyanmar (Burmese)NepaliNorwegianPersianPolishPortuguesePunjabiRomanianRussianSerbianSesothoSinhalaSlovakSlovenianSomaliSpanishSundaneseSwahiliSwedishTajikTamilTeluguThaiTurkishUkrainianUrduUzbekVietnameseWelshYiddishYorubaZulu

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The Best Beverages To Drink For Amazing Sleep Every Night

The Best Beverages To Drink For Amazing Sleep Every Night

By  Editor Wellnesscom.info May 1, 2017

Have you ever noticed that certain liquids make you feel energized while others cause you to feel sleepy? Well, that’s because the drinks you consume really do affect your level of alertness and the quality of your sleep.


As a Ph.D. diplomate of the American Board of Sleep Medicine, I’ve devoted 35 years to the study of human sleep and clinical sleep disorders. Here are the drinks I recommend avoiding for better shut-eye—and the beverages that will help boost your sleep:

The best drinks to boost your sleep:

Cherry juice in the evening may help you fall asleep faster. Night workers may also benefit from drinking tart cherry juice in the morning to help them sleep.


Chamomile tea and passionfruit tea with a little honey, 90 minutes before bedtime, may make your sleep more restful.


Milk, 90 minutes before sleep, may also help you fall asleep (if you’re not lactose intolerant). Whether you warm it up or not is a personal preference—it has no effect on milk’s sleep-inducing properties, which are tied to the essential amino acid L-tryptophan.


Water is important to drink throughout the day for optimal health. However, drinking water right up until bedtime will stimulate your kidneys and you’re likely to wake up multiple times in the first few hours of sleep.

The drinks that will rob your sleep:

Alcohol            

Of course, the initial effect of alcohol is typically a more relaxed and sleepy state. But alcohol near bedtime is actually disruptive to sleep. Many people will drink alcohol in the evening to relax after a stressful day at work and find themselves drifting off to sleep in a chair while watching TV. Depending on how long they sleep in the early evening, they can experience a lot of difficulty returning to sleep when they finally decide to go to bed for the night. Evening napping disrupts your internal clock’s timing of the main sleep period later in the night.


Some people specifically use alcohol as a sedative. And yes, they fall asleep fast. But once the alcohol has been metabolized—maybe three to four hours into sleep—they abruptly awaken and find it difficult to return to sleep. If they do manage to get back to sleep, the remainder of the night is typically characterized by fitful sleep with frequent awakenings and intense dreaming. The sleeper wakes up groggy, tired, and unrefreshed despite having been in bed for a full seven to eight hours.
Nighttime alcohol can also induce snoring in a sleeper who does not normally snore and increases the risk of obstructive sleep apnea.

Coffee                  

Caffeinated coffee and soda are widely used for their ability to promote alertness and energy level. Unfortunately, the stimulant drug effect of caffeine is short-lived, and when it wears off in four hours, most people experience a fatigue or sleepiness rebound, which encourages only more caffeine to re-energize.


And so the cycle goes: larger and larger amounts of caffeinated coffee at three- to four-hour intervals throughout the day. The problem is that the stimulant effect of caffeine also increases your heart and respiratory rates, making you feel anxious and jittery right up to bedtime.


Heavy daily caffeine consumption and caffeinated drinks close to bedtime are very disruptive to falling and staying asleep in most people. Afternoon and nighttime caffeine will also aggravate any restless-leg symptoms you may have. Restless legs are uncomfortable creeping, crawling sensations in your calf muscles when you are sitting or lying still that force you to keep moving your legs. These are the folks who are constantly moving their legs and shifting their positions around during meetings, movies, or plays. Restless-leg symptoms tend to increase over the day and are particularly severe during the evening and at bedtime. If you have restless legs, consider eliminating caffeinated beverages altogether or at least after lunchtime.


How to cut down on caffeine: Switch to beverages that are half-caffeinated and half-decaffeinated. Confine your caffeine consumption to mornings up through lunchtime, with only decaffeinated beverages later in the day. Aim for a daily target of 10 to 12 ounces of caffeinated coffee or tea by the end of two weeks.

The bottom line:

When it comes to getting your best sleep, keep in mind that what you drink is just as important as when you drink it. Stop all caffeinated beverages after 2 p.m., and avoid alcohol before bedtime. Drinking tart cherry juice or chamomile or passionfruit tea with a little honey or milk 90 minutes ahead of bedtime may help you relax and fall asleep faster. Finally, stop drinking fluids one hour ahead of your bedtime—you’ll minimize sleep disruptions in the first few hours, when your sleep is typically deepest and most restorative.


Source: mindbodygreen