26th March 2015
By
Nanice Ellis
Contributing Writer for
Wake Up World
Do
you ever find yourself taking on the negative energy of others? If so,
you are not alone. Most of us come in contact with numerous people every
day – who bring us down.
We all feel it. We know when we are with
someone who is high-spirited and happy or someone who is low and
unhappy, but why is it so easy for others to affect us in negative ways?
Some of us cannot even go into supermarkets without taking on the woes
of everyone in the store. In order to shield ourselves from negative
energy, we must first understand how our energy is infiltrated by
others.
I worked as a crisis counselor at a well-known crisis
center in New York for about seven years. I quickly figured out that if I
was going to be successful at helping people, I couldn’t take on any
negative energy. Because I uncovered the secret to keeping my energy
clean and clear, I was able to assist thousands of people in dire need
without once being adversely affected, and in fact, I consistently felt
energized and fulfilled. If I can do it, anyone can.
Energy Infiltration
Whenever
you encounter someone, whether in the morning rush to the bathroom or
over the conference table, an exchange of energy is at play. There is
your energy and there is the other person’s energy. At some point in
space the energies meet. If you could be a fly on the wall, you would
witness an interesting dance of vibration – with the strongest energy
leading the dance. This means that if you are not centered in your
energy field, your energy could be infiltrated and influenced by that of
your friend, spouse, child, friend, parent or perhaps a stranger. So
even if you are having a good day and you meet someone who is spewing
their bad-day-energy onto you, your good day will likely turn bad.
You have been hit by Energy Infiltration.
This
all happens without consciousness, but what if you actually brought a
higher state of consciousness to all your interactions and
relationships? What if you could be responsible with your energy and not
be negatively affected by anyone’s lower vibe? What could this do for
the quality of your life? And, for the quality of your relationships?
If
you are going to protect your personal energy, you must first realize
that your energy is your most valuable resource. In other words, how you
feel on any given day is your greatest source of power and attraction.
If you feel good, you are more connected to your power and to your
ability to consciously create. If you feel down, you are less connected
to your power and you are likely unconsciously creating – more of what
you do not want. When we allow the negative or incongruent energies of
others to affect our energy, we give away our power and we lower
ourselves vibrationally to a level where we do not have the ability to
consciously create.
This means that it is all about you, and you don’t have to change anyone but yourself.
This
is why it is essential to make “how you feel” the most important part
of every day, and not compromise your energy for anything or anyone. So,
how do you do it?
Reclaiming Your Energy and Preventing Infiltration
1. Don’t Use Negative Emotions as Tools for Connection
It’s
natural to want to connect with others, but we often do this
unconsciously by matching emotions. In other words, if your friend is
sad, you become sad in order to connect with her. Or, if your partner is
annoyed at something, you mirror that annoyance in order to get on the
same wave length. The thing is, every time we use negative emotions as
tools for connection, we compromise our own energy, and even if we want
to help our friend, spouse, child or co-worker, we cannot offer
effective support or guidance at the low emotional level of the problem.
How can you help anyone if you are suffering with them?
If your
friend is depressed, you don’t need to become depressed in order to
connect with him. It is possible to offer compassion and understanding
without compromising your energy. If you can maintain a higher level of
emotional vibration, you can be of greater service, simply by creating a
safe space for your friend to express his feelings without bringing you
down.
2. Let Go of Responsibility
The
quickest way to be affected by another’s negative energy is to feel
responsible for them or their experience. Every time you feel
responsible for another, you take on the responsibility as if it belongs
to you, and your body, mind and spirit responds as if you really are
responsible and you must fix the problem. In other words, you take on
worry, stress and pressure that belongs to someone else.
Feeling
responsible for another is like accepting their baggage as your own;
hence, walking around with their weight on your shoulders. How many
people can you do this for without getting overwhelmed or even sick?
Sometimes our illnesses are the result of carrying problems that aren’t
even ours. How much of what you carry doesn’t even belong to you? Really
think about this.
No matter how much you care about someone, you
are not responsible for them or their issues. You are responsible for
you and your experience of them, but not for them.
Don’t think
that you can help someone by taking on their stuff as your own. The best
help you can ever provide is through keeping your vibe high and
inviting others up to meet you. They may or may not come up, but that is
also not your responsibility.
Once you release responsibility,
you can actually show up in a more responsive way and possibly be of
service, instead of part of the problem.
3. Stop Playing Judge
The
act of judging immediately connects us to the source of our judgement.
This means that if the other person’s emotional vibe is low, your vibe
will quickly match. Thereby compromising your energy in exchange for
judgment.
As soon as you judge someone’s experience, even if it is
silently to yourself, you invite the energy of their experience into
your own energy field. Because the mind does not know the difference
between real and imagined, judging something about another opens you up
to taking on the energy of whatever you are judging, as if it is
happening to you. This includes gossip.
When we allow everyone
their own experiences, we don’t take on their energy or the energy of
their issues. If it is not about you, keep out. Your mental interference
in someone else’s life is not worth the risk to your energy.
4. Drop the Sympathy
The
moment you sympathize with someone, you energetically take on the
symptoms of the person you are feeling sorry for. Yes, sympathy is when
you feel sorry for someone. This means that you can catch a cold over
the phone or feel pain in your body when you experience sympathy for
another.
Feeling sorry for someone is actually judging their
experience – so when you feel sorry for someone, you lower your vibe to
match theirs – taking on all that negative energy.
When you feel
sorry for another, you are actually imagining that they are stuck in
their predicament and they are powerless to heal, change or consciously
create a new reality. How does it help anyone when you are imagining the
worst?
You cannot feel sorry for someone and imagine them
empowered at the same time. When you imagine others empowered, you also
empower yourself and raise your own vibration.
The evolution of
sympathy is compassion. Compassion allows you to maintain a space of
love and understanding for others without compromising your energy in
any way. Can you love someone and allow their experience without feeling
sorry for them? Can you trust that their experience is somehow perfect
for growth, evolution and awakening?
5. Don’t Give Anyone Power Over You
We
tend to allow our energy to be influenced by those who appear to have
power over us: parents, teachers, bosses, authority figures, etcetera.
If someone in authority is having a bad day, and spews it on us, we
don’t hesitate to accept it, or maybe we even allow these people to
dictate how we feel about ourselves
When you remember that
everyone is a reflection of your own consciousness, it is easy to see
that no one ever has power over you. They only have the power that you
give to them through your thoughts beliefs and actions.
The more
you own your power, the more control you will have over your vibration –
and not take on energy that does not belong to you.
6. Let Go of Thinking That You Know Better
When
we think that we know better and we try to change others, we instantly
allow their energy to infiltrate ours. If you don’t want anyone to
affect your energy, then it is important to allow everyone their own
experiences and their own choices. Don’t even have opinions about their
opinions. In trying to convince someone of your “know-how,” you are
likely to compromise your own energy. Remember how you feel is your most
important asset – sacrifice it for nothing and no one.
7. Stop Reacting to Others
Are
there people in your life who attempt to get their energy through
drama? In other words, they try to invoke negative emotional responses
from you, in order to “get energy.” Maybe you are even doing this
unconsciously to others?
The moment you react, you give your power away and you also accept the negative energy of the person causing you to react.
In
order to be angry, resentful, jealous, etcetera, you must lower your
vibration, and as soon as you are an emotional match to the other
person, their energy infiltrates yours.
If you want to own your
energy and stay positive, it is just not worth reacting. The cost is too
great. This doesn’t mean that you cannot speak your truth and set
boundaries in a way that supports you and the relationship. This can be
done from a space of clarity and compassion.
8. Don’t Take Sides
Others
may want to use your energy to support their cause, but if it is not
about you, don’t make it about you. Allowing yourself to get in the
middle of another’s squabble or cause, when you know it doesn’t concern
you, is basically a waste of your valuable energy. You can support
others without getting in the middle, and without allowing your energy
to be poisoned by another’s issues.
9. Do Not Accept Blame
Even
if someone blames you or is angry at you, you don’t need to take on
their energy. My five year old grandson spilled his ice cream in the car
and blamed me because I hit a bump in the road. We talked about him
blaming me so that he could feel better about the loss of the ice cream,
but he really felt worse. People blame us all the time for things that
are out of our control. Just because someone blames you, doesn’t mean
you have to take it on. If you are responsible, be responsible and
rectify the situation, but don’t allow yourself to be someone else’s
scape-goat. You do not even need to react to the blame – just let it
pass.
10. Say “No” to People Pleasing
If
you are a people pleaser, you are likely very good at giving your energy
away and therefore being affected by other’s energy. Because people
pleasers put others before themselves, they are not responsible with
their energy and therefore they become energy sponges for everyone whom
they are trying to please. It is not your job to please the world. In
fact, you would do much better at pleasing others if you first pleased
yourself, putting your own needs and wants in first place. It is okay to
say, “No” and set boundaries that create a safe haven for you to be
responsible for your own energy.
11. Stop Believing Others Beliefs
When
two people meet, the one with the stronger beliefs about life often
dominates the energetic dance, but only if you are not grounded in your
own beliefs. You may consider various beliefs presented by others, but
don’t be bullied by someone who thinks that they know best. Sometimes
others will even think that they know what is best for us and they try
to infringe their beliefs upon us in the name of caring, but only you
know what is best for you. Follow your own inner guidance.
12. Mind Your Own Business
This
might be a hard one, but it is none of your business what other people
think about you. You cannot please all the people all the time, but it
is also not your job to please anyone. It only matters what you think,
and feel, about you. As long as you try to control other people’s
thoughts and feelings about you, you subject yourself to their energy.
It’s like you are telepathically saying, “Please tell me how I should
feel about myself today.” When you no longer have interest in what the
world thinks about you, something truly amazing happens. Your confidence
soars and you become super attractive – energetically and even
physically. As a result, others will actually think more highly of you,
but you won’t care, and that is the point!
Being Responsible With Your Energy
Most
people are not responsible with their energy, but this doesn’t give you
permission to be irresponsible with yours. This means being consciously
responsible for the energy that you receive and the energy that you
project. Once you are completely responsible with your own energy, it
doesn’t matter if someone is regurgitating their energy onto you – you
won’t take it. Ironically, it will also happen a great deal less.
If
you do take on another’s energy, it is important to remember that once
you take it on, it becomes your energy – not theirs. If this is the
case, notice in what of the 12 ways above you have allowed your energy
to be infiltrated.
Take responsibility for it. No one can force
you to take their energy. As long as you blame another, you have no
power to release it – thereby giving even more of your energy away.
Over
time, you can train your energy upward to a threshold where others
cannot bring you down. It might take some conscious effort to get there
but once you do, life flows with ease and grace and you become a beacon
of love and light for others.
Here’s how you can be even more responsible with your energy:
1. Own Your Energy
It
is important to know how you feel prior to all interactions, so if
there is any change in how you are feeling, you can identify it, and
quickly release it by saying, “This is not mine – I release it.”
2. See the Innocence in Everyone
When
you look deep, we are all really innocent. Seeing everyone as innocent
and doing the best they can will allow you to stay positive, and not
take on the negative energies of others.
3. Get the Happy-People High
When
you do come in contact with happy or high energy people, join the
party. Accept the gift of positive energy – just be careful not to
depend on others to feel good.
4. Practice Letting Go
Living
in a state of letting go allows you to keep your energy clean and
clear. When you let go, negative energy cannot stick to you.
5. Don’t Play Catch
Just because someone throws you a dirty rag, doesn’t mean you have to catch it – let it go, and it cannot affect you.
6. Look for the Beauty
We
tend to look for what is wrong in others – but, instead look for the
beauty, and you will align with higher and higher aspects of others.
People will feel your love and respond in turn, raising your vibration
and theirs.
7. Be Kind to Yourself
The
world is always reflecting the feelings and beliefs that we have towards
ourselves. If you want others to address you more positively, you must
also commit to doing this for yourself.
8. Set Boundaries
It
is okay to let people know how to treat you and even how to speak with
you. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries, such as: no gossiping, no
judgement, no complaining. You might say something like, “You probably
didn’t know this, but I am making how I feel the most important part of
everyday, so I am no longer taking part in gossip or anything that feels
judgmental toward me or anyone else.” You might add, “Would you like to
join me?”
9. Share Positive Energy
If you
are feeling good, show it. Smile, be generous and give compliments. Live
out loud. Remember, the stronger vibration dominates all personal
encounters. When you out-warded share positive energy, you won’t be
affected by lower vibes and those around you will actually begin to feel
better. This is how you make a difference every day!
10. Project Energy
Instead
of surrounding yourself with a protective energy shield, imagine Divine
Energy flowing into you and overflowing from you – creating an aura of
light and love all around you. Allow this powerful energy to resonate
from you and affect everyone you meet.
11. Trust Your Intuition
Your
intuition is a superior inner guidance system and will always show you
the way. When you don’t listen to your self and you put the desires of
others first, you compromise your energy and you allow the energy of
others to affect you. Every time you trust your inner guidance and take
action accordingly, you strengthen your ability to protect your personal
energy, and therefore you naturally keep-out negative energy.
Final Thoughts
When
you ultimately reach a point where you don’t take on the energy of
others, you are able to connect and respond from a higher level, where
it is possible to feel what someone is feeling without acquiring their
pains and woes.
This is the Divine Experience of Compassion. From
this pristine space, you can give love without compromising or
sacrificing yourself in any way. Instead of feeling drained, you feel
powerfully energized and have an abundance of positive and powerful
energy to offer and share.
It is through this state of Higher Love, that you are truly of service to the world.
About the author:
Nanice Ellis
has been a professional Life Coach for over 17 years, successfully
coaching women and men from all over the world. She is also an author,
Theta Healer and Master Neuro Linguistic Practitioner.
Helping
people to make quantum jumps in their lives, Nanice’s very unique
coaching style is often referred to as the “Nanice Effect”. By using
powerful and proven manifestation techniques, Nanice coaches people to
tap into the power of the Universe and live their dreams, bridging the
gap from the imagination to the realization of that dream. She works
with leaders, coaches, healers and anyone who wants to live life to the
fullest. You can learn more about the coaching programs offered at:
Coaching Programs with Nanice.
