A lovely journey through the Dark Night of the Soul to surrender, healing, transcendence and redemption. <3 ~PB
One thing I noticed was this illness was a sort of rite of passage for me. I experienced quite a lot of miasmic debris welling up, such as self-pity, self-hatred, feelings of lack of self-worth and similar things, especially relating to how I relate to others and vice versa. It was quite revealing and for a while I somewhat wallowed in the unpleasant sensations.
Then, when the fever finally began to break, I snapped out of my feverish delusions and came back, quite literally, to my senses. I have had enough verification that I am valued by others and certainly have made great strides in my progress along the Path of Initiation. There was and is absolutely no reason for me to feel sorry for myself or to feel that I am not worthy to receive the love of the masters, my mentors or that of friends and acquaintances.
For once I let go of my self-denial, I felt a great love begin to well up within my heart. This love feeling soon overwhelmed any other sense within and I felt that I am truly Love. And last night, I felt the presence of Lord Adama confirming this Love that I AM.
Now, it feels easy to merely reconfirm in the moment that I AM love. There is no effort, for my mere acknowledgment of this fact allows the love to come forth, like a soothing balm. It eases my heart, relaxes my body and allows my mind to let go of its concerns about survival.
I have completely surrendered the higher essence of my Self. I fully embrace the awareness that my Higher Self is now in command of my life.
I will not be without challenges, for they are still a part of physical existence on this planet, at least for a short time longer, but I can now meet those same challenges with greater equanimity than I managed before.
How does one reach this state of being? You simply allow your heart to take command. It sounds easy and it is, but not initially as your mind, trained as it has been, to take flight or to fight to preserve its status, will resist. So, you need to tweak your attention. Listen to the feelings that arise from within. Listen to your body; is it in resistance or it is feeling open and safe? If you are resisting, you will feel tightness in your mid-abdomen, above the solar plexus center, just under the diaphragm muscle. Your “gut” is telling you not to go somewhere, not to do something… or that someone is not on your side.
This intuitive process is not a matter of judgment. You are not determining that whatever is being sensed is “wrong” or “right”; it is just that you do not resonate, at the moment, with it. It is not a matter of duality. It is rather a matter of discovering what suits you.
Of course, intuitive or “gut” feelings can serve as warnings for very physical conditions that are encountered during the course of a day. And it pays to heed them. I have encountered such feelings while out alone in the woods and have been mindful of my surroundings, although never placed in danger due to my native caution. It is merely a call to pay attention.
The feelings of the heart are more highly refined than that of the gut, although they can work together. Releasing fear is necessary if one would listen to the heart. You cannot feel the subtle nuances of the heart if one is actively in resistance. When the body is frozen in fear, you cannot feel at all.
So, I made an adjustment to my attitude and now I feel more relaxed and able to surrender to the heart. This allows the higher essence of my being to work through me, to blend and braid its energies into my physical being. Ascension, which is really descension of the Spirit into the physical, brings these energies into a sacred partnership. It is not necessary to completely understand the process from a rational point of view for the partnership extends into realms of consciousness far beyond the capacity of the rational mind to understand.
I have let go of quite a few concerns, about the future, about my mission, about my direction in life. I am here to serve and now I serve by allowing this sacred partnership to blend within my physical body, to bring in the higher energies of Self, online and into daily communion with my physical being. It is a process, one that will continue for as long as I am in this current body and beyond. Ascension is not a one-time event, but a long journey. It continues on, beyond the planetary ascension to cosmic and beyond that as well. There are many rooms within the mansion of being; many things to discover and share.
I embrace the Love that I AM, that which I am becoming, and that which I can share with the world. As the love bubbles up, it overflows like a young river and passes into the heart of Gaia and all that lives upon her radiant surface.
I chose to embrace the grace and ease that Spirit allows to enter into one’s world when surrender is complete. This is a process that needs to be re-confirmed moment by moment, day by day, by me or anyone else who emulates these steps. Ascension is ongoing and there will be tests, only now with this awareness of what is possible, the steps will be taken more lightly and with continued grace and inner devotion to the process."
I AM your sister in Light and Love,
Eliza Ayres (aka Tazjma Amariah Kumara, daughter of Venus)
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