If you only read only one more article on Robin Williams..make it this one...A powerful reflection on David's earlier days working on a Suicide Prevention hotline....
August 13, 2014, 12:35 pm
Many people have written in saying our work stopped them from killing
themselves. Though we cannot change what happened to Robin, we do have
control over the choices we make in our own lives. Life is worth living
and is a beautiful gift -- no matter how it may seem.
PERSONAL REFLECTIONS
Like many, if not most people, I was shocked and deeply saddened by the news of Robin's loss.
This is no ordinary tragedy. It strikes to the heart of everyone.
Robin's presence lives on in so many wonderful creative works that have
touched our lives.
He brought us happiness, laughter and deep insight. The pain and
triumph he could convey as a character was utterly believable and in the
moment.
You always felt, when seeing him in a film, that everything he was
feeling was absolutely real. He threw himself into each role utterly and
completely.
As far as film actors go, he was a true legend -- a star among stars.
And he had managed to completely avoid the paparazzi hate machine
tearing him down in public.
One central theme that keeps coming up is "Everbody loved him. How could a person loved by so many want to take his own life?"
Even now, two days after hearing about it, I still feel a variety of
different emotions. I spent a good bit of time yesterday reading many
different articles about him.
WORKING ON A SUICIDE HOTLINE
I worked as a staff trainee for the OASIS suicide crisis hotline
through my entire senior year while getting a degree in psychology.
We were trained, through role-playing exercises, in how to handle a
wide variety of worst-case-scenario situations -- every Wednesday night.
A whole team of 12 people were crammed into a single dormitory room in
Deyo Hall, knee to knee, as we learned how to talk people out of killing
themselves.
On one special occasion, a much larger crowd was gathered -- including people from other nights besides Wednesday.
It was very hot, crowded and claustrophobic. There wasn't really enough
oxygen, making it also a light-headed zone between living and dying,
waking and dreaming.
I was singled out to do a grueling, one-hour-long role-play with the
director. It was the worst experience anyone had ever had that year, by
orders of magnitude.
He chose to make an example out of me in front of everyone.
YOU CAN'T WIN 'EM ALL
In this role-play, his character was a man who had the opportunity to
save his severely disabled sister from a house fire, but let her burn to
death.
He was savaged by his own guilt. He let her burn because he didn't want
to take care of her anymore -- as it had been ruining his life.
We had a whole formula of what you were supposed to do in a role-play -- and we always followed it.
Every role-play ended in us running through the ten Suicide Assessment
questions in some order, and then moving the caller in to Stage 3, where
you make a referral to get them more help.
Every role-play ended in the would-be caller deciding not to commit
suicide and accepting the referral. That was the script. That was what
we did.
No one ever even imagined that there would be a role-play in which this formula wasn't satisfied.
It was always just a question of how long you would take to "get to stage 3" -- and how well you got there.
Normally a role play was about 10 to 15 minutes. A long role-play was 20 minutes. This one went on for
an entire hour -- and it was absolutely horrible.
The fact that I was going through this in front of a huge group of
people, without enough air, feeling utterly humiliated in the process,
only made it worse.
I WILL NEVER FORGET IT
The director was rude, hostile, interrupted me, completely refused to
listen to what I had to say, and just kept saying "I want to kill
myself."
He made violent, psychopathic gestures of self-harming behavior and could not sit still as he ran through his plans.
His character felt that the only way justice could be served was to set
himself on fire -- for letting his sister burn when he could have saved
her.
I was trying to understand what the heck was going on as this role play
stretched on -- longer and longer -- and I couldn't "turn" the person.
It was absolutely emotionally exhausting -- and an incredible ordeal.
NOTHING CHANGED HIS MIND
Finally, after what seemed like countless hours of torture in
psychological time, he ended the role-play -- by saying he was going to
hang up and burn himself to death.
"Nothing you have said to me has made me change my mind," he said. "I
am leaving now and I am leaving for good. I am going to burn myself to
death."
At least 30 people were in the room, witnessing the "example" that had been exacted upon me with such excruciating intensity.
They erupted into a cacophony of shocked chatter as soon as it was
over. Everyone was moving, talking, gesticulating and freaking out.
Whatever precious quantity of oxygen was still left in the room by that point was quickly being consumed in a furious eruption.
What the hell just happened?
QUITE A SCENE
The volume level in the room skyrocketed. Everyone was talking, all at
the same time. No one could understand what the heck had just happened.
The director -- already a big and tall guy as he was -- suddenly jumped
up on a table, ducking his head to avoid hitting the ceiling.
He shot both of his arms out to the sides like an umpire making a bad call that everyone hated... and said,
"EVERYBODY SHUT THE F- UP!!!"
[90 percent of the students in my school were from New York -- so "dropping the f bomb" was a fairly common occurrence in
private conversation.]
It was quite shocking for the director of our program to jump up, flag
us all down, scream and curse at us -- with the F word, no less -- after
this grueling ordeal.
Although watching the role-play in that environment couldn't have been enjoyable, being the subject of the whole ordeal was undoubtedly far
worse.
I was completely wasted, emotionally and physically -- and now he was up there screaming.
Everyone did indeed "shut the f- up."
What was he going to say?
YOU CAN'T SAVE EVERYBODY
"If you are going to do this work, you have to accept -- deep down in your soul -- that you can't save everybody," he said.
"Some people, you will give them your all, 110 percent, and at the end of that call they are still going to kill themselves."
"You absolutely have to live with that fact. You have to be able to get on with your life."
"If someone does this, it is their choice. You can try to help them, if
they will even let you -- but ultimately it is not your decision."
"You can't spend the rest of your life grieving about it or wondering what you could have done differently."
"If you can't deal with losing someone after doing your very best, then
you shouldn't be in this profession at all. Leave now. There's the
door."
No one walked out.
I had been used as the scapegoat for a very powerful example that stuck with all of us for the rest of our lives.
LIFE IS WORTH LIVING
The tragedy of a loss like this is personal. Robin is woven into the very tapestry of modern life.
I haven't seen all of his films. You probably haven't either. But we've all seen enough to know and love this man.
No matter how dark the road may seem, no matter how difficult things may be, never give up.
Life is a precious gift. Life is worth living.
You are a beautiful and wonderful person. You are loved.
Never let anyone or anything challenge that deep knowing within you.
<3