Reflections on Light and Shadow

Reflections on Light and Shadow by Phoenix Boulay
| Seer, Seeker, Sayer Sage


There is a common theme in some reflections I made this evening in the form of fb comments, that were inspired by a post by Nova Biscotti, who touches on several subjects that are inter-related. I was also affected by the downturn in mood and communication breakdown between me and my mother on this traditional family holiday of Thanksgiving.

Yes I'm grateful to have my parents alive and to be able to spend time with them but good Lord hold the politics please just give me more love, some more ice cream and blueberry pie!

Nova says "Lightwarriors tend to focus more on 'shedding light on that which is dark', while lightworkers wish to increase the light which is already present."

So apparently I am BOTH a Lightworker AND a Lightwarrior. An Empath, as well, which makes navigating a path of peace more challenging. I have been calm and at peace lately, but the dysfunctional family dynamic really got to me today, and did the chimera proud, alas.

Between dismissive and "I don't care!" statements, pushing unsolicited opinions on others, cutting off any attempt at offering an enlightening perspective, my mother has done a number on me yet again. There must be reason why I was born into a family that bullied and crushed my spirit much of my life (and if I call them on it as an adult , I'm told to stop being a victim, and if I say I'm not being a victim, I am speaking up for myself, I am dismissed and told to "drop it, we're done talking about that" (as long as they had their say).

It really pains me, but the worst part is she drags me down into this combat with her, as slings and arrows flew, which is toxic, extremely distressing, and used to break my heart. It's all so unnecessary. I brought my best self to the table, I left hurt and angry, eschewing any further engagement of substance. I wonder how many of us tread lightly with family, talking only about the rain or the meal. Sound familiar?

I've seen this dynamic play out with friends and strangers. When something is unhealed in us, we tend to attract more situations and people that allow us to play out that dynamic again.

Sure, at times, I will call out those I feel need calling out, I feel a moral obligation to do so. But I don't want to toughen up or be hard, I want peace. I want communication. I want understanding. I want to be soft and playful and free to express myself from the heart. Is that asking too much?

I beat my mother at Gin Rummy one Christmas, at game after game, though I had seldom ever played in my life. She had a fit, ending the game by throwing the cards up into the air and storming off.  And I think there's something in there, when somebody who cannot be a gracious loser is attracted to tough bullies, someone who thinks they are going to easily solve the country's problems.

As far as the election goes, I think the Electoral College clearly is obsolete when somebody can have over two million more votes and still lose. Something's wrong with this picture. And of course, the party who will be in power will have no incentive to change that.

However, one of the deeper problems is election fraud, and there should be an automatic recount of every election, all facts and figures should be double-checked for it to be fair to everyone... for this is how a democracy works. There should be checks and balances in place, and clearly they are not --not anymore. Our beloved alternative candidate who stirred many hearts got left out in the cold, it was unfair to him that the questionable situation was not halted and investigated on the spot.

We're now going into uncharted territory. We are in a paradigm shift. It's going to shake up reality for a lot of people and there will always be something we like and something we loathe, so I think we just have to stay calm try to work towards understanding, communication and making the best of a bad situation, but also learning to tap into our creative problem-solving ability. This is because I do think we're smart, and we humans have the ability to solve all the problems that we've created on this planet. This time, we need to do it from the heartspace, not the mind.

Yes I'm among those that believe our Galactic family is coming, but they're not coming to save us, they are coming to help us save ourselves! What an amazing time to be alive!  That's what I want to focus on!